Mary Carleton relation of faith, 1801

(Having) I had my attention called, last spring at the funeral of a Child of Mr Nathaniel Gould. & hearing Mr Paige preach a very affecting sermon showing us the uncertainty of life and the importance of being prepared to die. After the funeral. (there was) a person about my age, who I thought was as stupid as myself, spoke to me concerning a future future state, this somewhat alarmed me, (thus) & led me to think my situation to be miserable. But the fear of being despised by [?} my young Friends, and thinking that as Christians life was a dull and gloomy life, deprived of almost every earthly Enjoyment, I thought I would dismiss every serious thought of religion, and return with my companions into the world. Not long after, hearing Mr Harris preach from these words, "I came not to call the righties"; but sinners to repentance, "no person can describe the thoughts that pass in my mind. after that. Soon after spending a few days in Mr Smiths family, conversing with them, and hearing Mr. Smith preach a lecture from these words, "Behold now is the accepted time, (and) & now is the day salvation," I found my conviction greatly increased; viewing myself in a lost and undone situation. Knowing if I had what I justly deserved, I should be sent to everlasting destruction. These words continually haunted my mind; "Seek ye the Lord while he may be found call ye upon him while he is near But I had no heart to call upon him. I thought there would be no mercy for so vile a sinner as I had been. Company afforded me no satisfaction but rather increased increased my woes; for some weeks I remained in this situation in which I was brought to see I could do nothing of myself. but was entirely dependent on the mercy of God: that Christ had chosen his people and I had not chosen him. not chosen and I wondered I had not been cast off, long before this time. The distress of my mind was great; my sins appeared, as though they would have sunk me. These words come to me, "Come unto me all ye That labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." and