Eliza Eastman relation of faith, undated

I had lived a very careless stuped life, forgetting Gd & the things of eternity till about two years ago. At conference one evening at Isaac Bailey's, I was suddenly struck with the religious conversation, with such views as I never had before. I saw myself to be a great sinner; that I was in the utmost danger of being forever lost. My feelings were so agitated, that when I saw one get up, & go to the door, I wished I could do the same; but feared to step a step, but I should sink into hell. These views of my guilt & danger continued, (&) with various degrees of weight & distress, wich I think prevailingly increased. I tried from time to time to pray & to read ye word of God. But my prayers looked to me to be full of sin, & I could find no relief in any thing, which I could do. Upon this I grew negligent; feeling as tho it were in vain to attempt to do any thing. I tarried from the house of God for sever al sabbaths, & pretty much neglected to read or pray. ___ But soon after my fears & distress returned with more force than ever. I tho't I had grieved away the spirit of God; had sinned away the day of grace, & there was no mercy for me. Some time after I attended the funer al of Sally Currier & heard a sermon upon these words, "The Kingdom of heaven suffereth [illeg.] &c" ___ This was to me a new sermon indeed. ___ I tho't I had new views of ye import ance of Religion, & of the way of salvation by Christ. I tho't it was lovely & glorious. I think I was willing to be saved in ye way Of salvation proposed in the Gospel. I afterward had great doubts & fears that