Some years ago I met with the calamity of cut-
ting my foot. I was led to fear that it would prove
mortal; -- that I must soon die. This alarmed me.
I was sensible I was not fit to die. I resolved, that if
ever I got well, I would live a better life than I had ever
done. ---- My health was restored. And my fears, in a
great measure, wore off; tho' I had many checks & alarms
of conscience, calling me to attend to the one thing needful.
At the funeral of my child, better than two years ago, a
sermon was preached from these words, "Today if ye will hear
my voice, harden not your hearts." This took hold of me,
& much troubled my mind for a long time. Not long after
the funeral, Mr Smith again called to see us; - he
asked me, if I had found christ? - I told him I did
not know that I had. He asked me, how I thought I
should feel, if I had found him? ---- I told him I thought
I should feel very easy in my mind. He told me, he
hoped I should never find christ so; & conversed as tho'
he tho't my views were far from being just. The convers-
tion struck me with power. I cannot describe the
views and feelings, which I had. I felt, that I was a great
sinner, & knew not what to do to be saved.
My concern for myself continued, sometimes more, & some
times less powerful. In the course of the following
winter my trouble increased. I tho't I had some desire
to seek, & find Jesus Christ. In the Spring I thought
I had some new views of another world, & of Spiritual
things. But when I conversed with persons, who ap-
peared to be persons of real grace, I was led to see
such a contrast between them, & myself, that I feared
I had no grace; -- I tho't there was no mercy for
such a sinner, as I found I was. - Thro' the summer I
continued much in this way. In the fall hearing
a sermon, one Sabbath at meeting, from these words,
"Beautiful for situation, the joy of ye whole earth is mount
Zion, on the sides of the north, the city of the great King"
I tho't I discovered a great beauty in walking in
Christ's ordinances. I longed to walk in them, & turn
my back upon Jesus Christ no more.
This last winter, one evening, as I was alone, after I
had been endeavouring, as I hoped, to seek God, being
troubled with a view of my sinfulness, the words of
Christ in the parable came to my mind ^Luke 7. 42 To [ ] ye two debtors ( [--]
they) had nothing to pay" & he frankly forgave them both.."
