Abigail Ray relation of faith, 1822

At an early period of life I had many serious impressions relative to my future state I was sensible I was a great sinner and knew that I must inevitably perish without the mercy of God these were some of my feelings at times but I believe that Satan was very busy with me persuaded me I was too young to serve God moreover I was unwilling to give up my youthfull amusements to live a religious life for I thought religion was of a gloomy melancholly nature and I should not [ ] myself as I could with my young companions and still went on in my sinfull ways but God in his infinite mercy saw fit not to leave me here at the time of a reformation my attention was again aroused for my souls eternal welfare. I felt myself in the hands of an angry God and he would surely cast me off if I lived in such sinfullness any longer I attended publick worship hopeing to find there some relief though I was unwilling any one should suspect I was in any degree serious but no relief there could I find every thing I heard seemed to condemn me. I frequently heard the doctrine of Election preach'd upon my heart rose in opposition to such doctrine I could not bear it - I was very angry with God & thought He was an unjust Being to make one to be saved and another to perish. likewise I thought it was of no use to spend my time in reading my Bible or attending meeting if God saw fit to save me He would for I could do nothing and therefore I was resol[v]ed not to trouble my self any more about it. Many are the calls and invitations I have had to accept of Christ freely offered to us in the Gospel and as oft did I slight them hopeing I should have a more convenient season and so put far away the evil day. About two years ago I was led seriously to think of the state of my imortal soul I knew not any particular reason at that time why I was alarmd my convictions were not so deep at first but by degrees grew more pungent I felt myself a wretched miserable creature unreconciled to God was in great distress every thing around me appear'd dull and gloomy. I constantly attended meetings could find no comfort I felt as if I longed to be reconciled to God. One morning